| why does it seem, every time i turn around or everytime i look to see where the sun has gone shes standing there, with her eyes fixed on me and her hair blowing away from her so its out of control... why does it seem that everyday it starts off fresh but i wake up so damn late it never fucking matters anyhow becuase the days been wasted but all id do anyhow is sit here, mindlessly playing the same damn thing on guitar... or waiting for someone usefull to talk to online... the way it was before i met her. and now it all seems just like yesturday again, though today was new...i still woke up at 1 and realized i fucked today away again... so it was just like a new yesturday... cant wait for tomorrow... cuz you know that tomorrows monday and mondays good and new and fresh, though mondays just like saturday and saturdays just like sunday when life seems meaningless. a lot of shit is all i say in here... i may get a new one what for though? so i can repeat my shitty words of nothingness to you hidden behind a different name. whys the internet so fucked up that i cant make my "username" my name. people have to read me from behind glass and behind the glass id just rather be Alex Stevenson for a change. i dont want to be Ibanezrg270dx15 or Autumnsarms. whysit seem that im insane... the one good thing i had from saturday was maybe a haircut...read it or not im alone in this... shes 830 miles away, and im making this worse as it is. wishing it would go away and i could start new when i still love her its impossible to start new when starting new means waking up at 1 and wishing you had started new earlier... thats what its all about really. starting new, sept earlier. making a different choice, earlier. wishing i could drop it all and just be me, wishing being me was being the man i used to be, not this wasted flesh who begs for friends, and makes no sense half the time. i dont even know where all these words are coming from. i wish i could do voice updates... so then people culd hear me tell them about how shitty my life is instead of posting it on the black canvas of glass. AutumnsArms is tired of updating, and Ibanezrg270dx refuses to take messages... Darkwalker2928@yahoo.com, will not read his email, nor will darkwalker237@yahoo.com. Autumnsarms, sir, your running out of room to fill with crappy words to the public. i think im gonna go for now, eat maybe... shit after that, play again the same damn thing on guitar...and then hope for a slient sleepful night though hopes and dreams and wishes never come true, only for the good people who pay for the services which should be free to those who need it, but cant afford it. shes the best wish i have, and shes not going anywhere, so why do i seem to be fading backwords again into this slump about, wishing it was better.how could the bes possibly get better than the best how is it possible to be the best you can be if your not worth a dime if someone found me on the street. i dont understand life anymore. well frankly never did, so now im pushing it to you to figure out for me, but you dont want to, your secretly wishing AutumnsArms would put a smaller update or that Ibanezrg270DX15 wouldnt be on or would be away next time you came online. maybe i wont spell my name right next time i log on, or i might mix up my password with Autumnsarms and Ibanezrg270dx15... maybe it will refuse to let me in though my passwords my name too... i could give you all my password but thats fruitless, theres not much i care about sept my password, cant forget it anywhere i go, its my key my source of energy and with my password i can go behind any closed up box... i mean if you have it it wouldnt be my name anymore it would be just what it is AutumnsArms or IbanezRG270DX15, sept you could be me hiding behind the glass and the name instead of the real me... well...ttyl i guess...
~Xander |
